So, I haven't posted anything in forever. I've been trying to come up with good reasons why. But to be truthful I just haven't had much to say.
I don't know what I am doing with this blog any more. I don't know why I write. I want to be creating things that makes a difference. Not just adds to the nothingness of the internet. Meaningful creation.
I feel like what I am doing right now isn't all that meaningful. To share any ways.
My soul is feeling tired. My soul is feeling faded.
It's not that I am unhappy. I am not depressed. I just feel like I'm drifting through my days lately. Getting from one moment to the next as though the one after this will be better. And then the end of the day has come and I've spent yet another period of my life wishing for the next.
I sure love learning. I feel so easily inspired by teachers. But my life lacks the best thing about life.
Community.
I miss belonging to a group of people who share their hearts with me, and I with them. I miss feeling like I know the people I sit with in the evening. I miss being able to talk about my feelings and not have to explain my past.
I have discovered that I can live away from home pretty easily. I have all the cooking and cleaning skills to keep up my place. I know how to budget. I can pay my bills, keep on top of laundry and eat (some what) healthily.
But, my dear blog, I don't feel independent. I feel alone. There is a difference.
If I didn't reach out to the people in my life...there are very few people who would notice or reach out to me. And that makes me sad.
Nothing makes me more happy when I can discuss and chat with people for hours. I love to dream and ponder and think with people.
The fact that I am evening writing all this to an empty screen just proves my point. I haven't anyone here to listen to the lengthy thoughts I say.
Perhaps that is my problem, blog. I have too much to say and I don't know where to begin. Because currently
I am alone.
There is no point to learning great things if you're alone. I want to help. Make a difference. Listen to lives. Share my heart. Build people up. Be built up. Work hard for nothing. Give. Volunteer.
Without giving I feel empty. I know I am made for giving. Made for community.
I can't wait to go home. Return to a world where I feel needed. Where I feel like I belong.
I don't know what I am doing with this blog any more. I don't know why I write. I want to be creating things that makes a difference. Not just adds to the nothingness of the internet. Meaningful creation.
I feel like what I am doing right now isn't all that meaningful. To share any ways.
My soul is feeling tired. My soul is feeling faded.
It's not that I am unhappy. I am not depressed. I just feel like I'm drifting through my days lately. Getting from one moment to the next as though the one after this will be better. And then the end of the day has come and I've spent yet another period of my life wishing for the next.
I sure love learning. I feel so easily inspired by teachers. But my life lacks the best thing about life.
Community.
I miss belonging to a group of people who share their hearts with me, and I with them. I miss feeling like I know the people I sit with in the evening. I miss being able to talk about my feelings and not have to explain my past.
I have discovered that I can live away from home pretty easily. I have all the cooking and cleaning skills to keep up my place. I know how to budget. I can pay my bills, keep on top of laundry and eat (some what) healthily.
But, my dear blog, I don't feel independent. I feel alone. There is a difference.
If I didn't reach out to the people in my life...there are very few people who would notice or reach out to me. And that makes me sad.
Nothing makes me more happy when I can discuss and chat with people for hours. I love to dream and ponder and think with people.
The fact that I am evening writing all this to an empty screen just proves my point. I haven't anyone here to listen to the lengthy thoughts I say.
Perhaps that is my problem, blog. I have too much to say and I don't know where to begin. Because currently
I am alone.
There is no point to learning great things if you're alone. I want to help. Make a difference. Listen to lives. Share my heart. Build people up. Be built up. Work hard for nothing. Give. Volunteer.
Without giving I feel empty. I know I am made for giving. Made for community.
I can't wait to go home. Return to a world where I feel needed. Where I feel like I belong.
RSS Feed
